Lingering At the Threshold

“We have unlearned the patience and attention of lingering at the thresholds where the unknown awaits us. ~ John O’Donahue

This quote spoke to me and I posted it on a bulletin board next to my desk last fall. As a human who likes to walk the line of safety and adventure, tethered equally to both, this quote felt true and wise. Lingering over a cup of coffee and a beautiful sunset I could do; loitering at the hearth of the unknown–that was something I felt inspired to work on.

And now, here we are, not just Lingering at the Threshold, camped at the Doorway of a Yawning Chasm. Rather than patience, I would be happy to cultivate something three shades to the left of panic, terror and constant worry.

Clearly the Universe misunderstood my intentions by posting the quote next to my desk. I wanted to call up a deeper ability to let go of things–like my IPhone, my plans, my inner dialogue. I wanted to pause in the great mystery of stillness, basking in a sweaty glow, mesmerized and fully present without heed to uncertainty. I desired to return to the simplicity of idle conversation and untie the strings of technology.  And now, as community, sacred spaces and daily rituals dissolve into thin air, I stand aghast. I didn’t ask for this kind of Lingering or this Unknown. Sometimes when I look at the quote I feel angry, a true deep down fury. Read More »

Black Lives Matter | The Yoga of Action

I may not have the exact right words to say, but I am compelled to address the sadness and outrage reverberating through our communities and the tremendous injustices in our society that oppress and devalue people of color. I don’t know about you, but I am reeling from the events of the past weeks. And I’m not talking about coronavirus. I am referring to the events leading to the loss of the lives of George Floyd, Breona Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and so very many others who have died as a result of police violence and racial injustice.

Without addressing the brutality that is being experienced, I cannot ethically hold the space of the teacher, guiding others to breathe while throughout the country people of color are crying out “I CAN’T BREATHE”.

This morning I received an email from Shannon Roche, the CEO and President of Yoga Alliance containing the following:

“Breath. We who practice and teach yoga understand breath, in a deep and intimate way. We know that breath is life-giving, that it is life-changing, and that it is shared, equally, among every living being on this earth. We know exactly what George Floyd’s last words, which echoed those of Eric Garner nearly six years before—“I can’t breathe”—meant, and exactly what was taken from him.”

As the past days and weeks have shone a spotlight on the inequities in our society, from the impact of the coronavirus on people of color to the social injustice resulting in the loss of lives, I have been percolating in a sea of intense emotions–anger, frustration, hopelessness, and incredible sadness. Read More »

Exhale Fear

Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.

~Rumi

Many years ago when I was young I was very ill and went through about 5 years of multiple surgeries and hospitalizations. It really sucked. My 20’s and early 30’s I was “sickly” and I lived with a great deal of uncertainly and fear. Meanwhile I was a young mother, quite poor at times and trying to manage multiple things. After each surgery I would withdraw inward from the pain, rarely looking at anyone, talking or moving. I had no practices during most of this time to rely upon, only my youth, stubbornness, my love for my children and refusal to accept the label SICKLY. When I would make it home from the hospital my mom would take care of me and the next day we would walk to the mailbox. The next day I would walk to the next driveway. Then the third day I could usually make it all the way down the street. After that, things would generally fall back into place and life would resume…until the illness began again.

The way of recovery was to DO something physical in order to become stronger. The way out was to BELIEVE that I could do it. The way out was to PERSEVERE despite the pain. I went through this cycle so many times until my last surgery which was about 14 years ago. I was in the step-down ICU for 5 months and left the hospital with a walker. 2 months later I went backpacking (I was 38 after all), that is how quickly I recovered partially because by then I DID have practices.  Read More »

Walking the Line of Doing Fine

“How are you? Are you ok? How are you feeling. “

I’m not an “ok-er”. I’ve come to know this about myself. As philosophical as I am, as much as What Does It All MEAN tends to drive my life I see I am also I realist and a practical person.  

I am NOT ok. Yet of course, I am OK in that way that only someone who knows that All is Well can know. But I also know that the Susan part of me is not ok. I hope that is ok with you because I’m just into being real. If you need me to be like perfect or always ok then don’t read this. (and I’m also ok with the fact that this might not be ok with you).

Everything has changed now. And of course everything is always changing but everything has REALLY changed. And I’m angry. And I’m sad. And I’m grateful. And I’m ecstatic. And I’m afraid. And I am not afraid of anything. And I’m curious. And I just want everything to go back to how it was.

Brave people grieve. Vulnerable people grieve. All people grieve. Do you see the pattern here?

Grief is a walk on the line between acceptance and attachment, letting go of yesterday just enough to accept and live today yet never letting go of the joy of flying through the sea, the wonder of your child reaching for your hand the first time, the sweetness of love given by your partner who knew you at your core and loved you exactly as you are—all of your amazing, neurotic, wonderful, ok-ness even if you never put the toilet paper back on the holder. Read More »

Becoming Still

Winter brings with it a hectic hustle unlike no other time. As a yogi and a nature lover my natural inclination is to become reflective and quiet this time of year. Long cups of tea, reading and writing by the fire is my preference as we move toward the darkest days of the year. But as a business owner (oh the conflicts are many) this time of year calls for action. There are so many minute details and the inevitable need to manage multiple obligations. Though I personally choose to celebrate Solstice over any other winter holiday, family traditions and obligations require my presence. And then there is the unending pressure and the heighten emotions that come with holiday expectations and avoidance of those expectations. The doing and swirling and tension builds on all side, swirling and churning. 

Inside of me I have been feeling a strong urge to explore stillness in a way that I have never felt so strongly. The energy all around me feels frenetic and slightly out of control. The outer world is saying, society is saying, “You must do something NOW and on my terms.” Nature is saying, “Turn inward and rest.” Today particularly, the Winter Solstice, my Inner world is sending a different message. Higher Awareness says, ” Do not act. Be still. Listen. Let the darkness fall. Be with the quiet, be with the dark. Breathe in, listen deeply, reflect. Breathe out and be with the churning, embrace the darkness until stillness comes. Be present here in this moment as if you have nothing else to do, nowhere else to be. Be stillness itself. And when you move again, move with renewed spirit to act, with Awareness.” I believe it is time to listen to that awareness.

Happy Solstice. May we all find stillness in the darkness and celebrate the light, for it is never lost. ~ Jai, Bhagwan, Susan 🙏l