Here we sit, the threshold of the new year. It is only tomorrow, an arbitrary Friday, another day, yet it represents something greater — hope, newness, perseverance, renewal.

As I sit in final reflection of 2020, I look backward at the incredible sadness and grieving this year brought for so many. Lives lost, jobs lost, security lost, spaces lost, communities lost, rituals lost — so much loss. The structures of our society shaken, the foundation of our security may never be quite the same. 

I have grieved, adapted, persevered, cried, shouted, cursed, accepted, resisted, given up, started again, evaluated, hoped, dreamed and stayed put when I wanted nothing more than to fly away from my life. Indeed, though, there is no where to go and nothing to do. I have done the very best that I can.

I have surrendered the things I cannot control, tried to control them, and surrendered once again.

When I look back on this year, when I acknowledge the gifts, the lessons, the growth, what will I see?

I am rich in friends and love. My home is a refuge. I have made it through times I thought I could not withstand. I am tenacious and determined. And vulnerable and open. And privileged beyond my own comprehension.

I have flowed when required and stood rooted when I found the strength. I have lain on the earth and looked at the sky and taken refuge in the magnificence of the Cosmos. I have drawn strength from my ancestors and those who came before. I have lived day by day, minute by minute. I have contained my own presence with as much grace and compassion as possible.

I have survived, and for that I am incredibly grateful. 

Moments of serenity are gifts, open spaces where doing used to exist are sometimes precious, sometimes painful, but for each of these gifts, these lessons, I am grateful.

On the other side of This Weird Time, may I take with me the strengths I have discovered. May I always value the sweetness of community, the priceless gift of a touch, the treasured presence of a friend. May I cherish every past and future moment when I sit in companionship with others. May I value every laugh, each hug, every gaze into a three-dimensional being. May I sip in the sacred spirit of community in every possible way.  May I never forget what was lost, may I always be grateful for the gift of being.

Happy New Year. 

May health, safety, peace and contentment fill your New Year.


Photo ~ Susan Mathis, Playa del Carmen doorway